Why Is Love Always A Near-Miss?
-Part two
Art reflected on his own personal favorite moment with Tess. A month ago, after Carrie's going away party, they walked back from Wallingord with Sarah. Sarah walked ahead, and Art and Tess slipped behind, alone. She held his hand. You've left a permanent mark on me, he told her. and you've left a permanent mark on me, she said back.
Art kept walking up the block toward 47th. The Continental and Costas - where I -
Tommy's - Where Trent and I -
From 47th to 50th he was barely paying attention, lost in thought. Then he noticed the doorway to the stairs, the Halloween party from two weeks ago, the party where Sarah had said the thing that angered him. Art was talking about what a crazy year it had been; getting kicked out of the Garage House, making the movie, everyone leaving the pizza place. Then Art mentioned The Actress. Hey, you got laid, Sarah said in a cheery voice.
Art didn't find it funny.
Sunday night when Tess came to visit him at the other job, he sat down and vented about Sarah's comment.
So that's what it's reduced to? That month of turmoil, and the month afterwards when I was trying to figure out what happenend? Is it all just reduced to getting laid?
For a Women's Studies graduate, Sarah sure has a frat-boy mentality, Art said.
And what did happen, anyway, Art wondered. It wasn't just sleeping-with-the-actress. It wasn't some sordid cheap thing. It was a relationship, or an attempt at one, anyway. Maybe it was a failed attempt, but a serious one.
And maybe he can never have a relationship as long as Tess has so much of his heart.
Crossing 50th he reminded himself, I'm too old for her, or too...boring. Or too SOMETHING.
He remembered the time he sent Tess an email. He knew she didn't check email often, so he called her to tell her. I sent you an email, he said. It's a question.
What's the question, she asked.
You have to read it, he said.
What's the question.
I can't tell you over the phone, he said.
Maybe when I'm 30, if I'm not married, she said jokingly.
No, he said laughing. That's not the question.
Why is love always a near-miss, Art wondered, crossing 52nd. In soccer, if you have ten near-misses, you eventually put one shot on target. Have I had ten near-misses yet? Who can even keep track of something like that?
The Galway Arms, where Liza used to play. That's who he had based that part of the Actresses charatcer on.
How bizarrely connected everything is. Liza was an Extra in the other film. She was a singer-songwriter - she lived with Art for a while. He moved out of that apartment, moved into the Garage House, eventually moved back to an apartment across the courtyard from the first one, made this new movie, with The Actress, who is a singer-songwriter, and who lived with Art for a time.
But the emotional content of the character was Tess, not Liza. And The Actress. The Actress made it her own, so let's not lose our grip, Art reminded himself. The movie is The Actresses, not someone else's.
Crossing 55th - Pizza Pi - used to be the delivery kitchen Art worked at. Walking past he noticed the ovens - the two we left them, Art thought, we had four in there, took two, left two.
University Theater, where they shot the end of the movie.
Past 56th.
Home.
It's Freddie's 21st tonight. Another one of my friends is turning 21, Art thought. Is it too much to ask that all of my friends at least be over 21?
There are still one or two who aren't.
The Actress called Freddie The Sloppy guy.
It's good to have friends.
Tess will be there.
-Peter Wick - November 14, 2006
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